blogggggggg……(english)

quite a fuss…

it has been quite a fuss, down here, my dad had an attack and was in the hospital for a week, then recovering, getting his speech back among other things; nowadays, there is more for me to do, got to lend a hand, and that is ok by me, that is… if i can get my own things done aswel… lots of misunderstanding… i hope it will get better… after all i am only human…and i am troubled too…

hope i can find the time to go to gallery nasty alice again… a good way to ease and distract my mind (make some photo’s; cus i am still learning….)

now i have been sober for a week (figuring… is it ok? should i do less, more? 1 beer in a week…that isn’t much, is it?) my body is having trouble with alcohol, a few beers is ok but it is realy wrecking me… again i am thinking about not drinking at all… but then, nothing, realy nothing? it still seems like a bridge too far…

after two and a half year of being a non smoker, i still have those moments i realy crave for a cigarette… awhile ago it was quite horror again, still fighting it…ghegheghe, but now more positive about it

breaking my other habits is coming aloong nicely, a little trouble sometimes, but it is ok, though i am gaining weight again (not good, pfff…) where the fuck is that coming from? working harder, and harder, and eating better and better, no fat, no Sugar… pffff…..(i guess i will be ok, but actualy i hoped for some weight-loss by now….)

i have been looking up some old stuff lately, giving most of it away, but strolling down memorylane too, and it is nice to be helpfull…

oh, i think there is some more work waiting for me, gotta go now, you behave, you hear!

peter

hi there, hello!!

i haven’t been well at all for quite some time, but things are looking up again, or at least i am not that depressed anymore; still lonely, but hey…welkome to the real world or something… it isn’t all a bed of roses, have i got news to tell you? not much… i wus practissing my quena flute; i have been for quite some time, biggest part of a year, i guess, but what i mean is, only recently i am beginning to play music with it (oh, joy, oh, joy) you can actually expect me to reccord a few new melodees and post them here on my reepke.com! i have also been practissing my guitar, i wish to reccord and post an updated version of “droevig liedje” wich is one of my favorites…

i am still fighting off depression; life has been quite hard on me; but i am letting the Sunshine in, i try to enjoy myself; going out, visiting freinds, that sort of thing

weight is doing ok, body is doing ok too, still facing my almost-addictions; like Sugar, but i am letting it hang loose for awhile, take what i have accomplished, and more or less consolidate (if that is the right word); sometimes i am spinning to hard because of what i am trying to do; that’s not ok; working on my health is ok, attempting at it too hard is not… that’s like inviting failure (ghegheghe)

this new version of reepke.com is getting more fun; gotta be careful too, lately i am nearly getting too much visits, it is nice, but i wory…it is realy a bit overwhealming sometimes; gotta deal with that too (gheghe) (luxury-problems)

as y’all know i have stopped smoking; i can realy reccomend e-cigaret whitout nicotine, to get through the worst…i am free now…and glad to be…. (not smoking, nore e-smoking anymore; freeeeeeeeeeeehhh!!!!)

thanks for sharing these moments with me, as for now, i am returning to my quena flutes, practisse some more; lots of love

signing off,

peter

 

for ever alone?

i have been alone for 27 years now, cried many tears, still, it looks everything like i am going to be alone for 27 more; that is, if i live that long…tried everything that was within my grasp, but i am not going to boast and bragg, to get female attention, why is it so hard to understand, that i don’t want to take up that much space, i let go of my ego years ago…being alone hurts…especialy after 27 years of crying, pulling yourself together, and falling apart again…i love myself too much to try and be someone or something else than just myself; so i will probably have to accept that alone is al there is… and that sucks!

never thought

never thought that i would ever be able to write a propper essay, or even a story, nowadays actualy it comes quite easy, even in english; though i am not a native speaker; but one doesn’t have to follow rules; rules are guidelines, there is no reason to obey (i uncovered that when i wus still writing poetry) (i can only write poetry in dutch, by the way…)

the last couple of essays (in dutch; on broeder reepken zegt ) had me quite content (i figured that only a few moments ago; but it is true; my writing seems to be developing into something totaly new for me; i am actualy getting better at this).

i hope tomorow i wil be able to go to the market, and take some pictures too (me drinking one beer; half of what i allow myself in one week; and yes! i have grown into that too…)

this week an apointment with my shrink might be schedgualed, she was urging me already a year ago, that i might try using less medicine, i wus reluctant then; well i hoped i could, but i thought i wusn’t ready; after my accomplishments last couple of years, i do feel ready; i get huge amounts of stressing things, experiences; but nowadays i manege, it seems that stopping smoking has gotten me more sensitive on the one hand, but also more flexible on the other; that is, a lot more flexible; a nice pize to win for me, being able to take less pills!!! yeah!!!

stopping smoking itself was sheer horror, for almost two years, but now i don’t crave anymore; i am almost completely free…

so i hope i can go to the market; see life where it is going on, happening; my that is an akward sentence; or isn’t it?

see you again tomorow?

reepke(n)