sorry i been so long…

i been fucked up for awhile, in fact, still am; it has been hard; nowadays i realy stopped drinking too; sober for five weeks now; body is picking up again; though it’s a shame, i had to; two beers in a week was still too much for my body to handle, so i thought; ahhh fuck it; and; what the hell; so i stopped, and i haven’t realy regretted it; what’s wrong with an occasional beer, you say, well, nothing realy, and i do miss it, but my body couldn’t handle anymore…couldn’t ignore the loudening protest from my stomach, my spleen, and my liver (lets not forget; my kidneys too!!)

mourning the death of a friend… wondering why I lived… (and getting stronger too) (maybe i wus just in time, to take things in hand…) this is a kick in the butt…

ah, well

trying to shoot a picture of my cat, not a all content with the last pictures i shot… i am getting more demanding… want to do something with light; and now retouching some pictures is an option too- i guess i am growing…

cat is lying here beside me, on the desk; he’s a fine specimen; so fluffy; and soooo lovable; he’s got the sweetest character…hey Bobbeltje (like the name Bob; but also “lump”) (ghegheghe) can you read this? … oh, he’s gone now…

for some time, i realy felt my hart hurting and thumping pain with every beat, but i finaly got a grip on myself again; set stress on a side-track for awhile, simple excorcise, lots of spirulina (sea-weed-pils (or powder) verry good for lot’s of things; i take them mostly, becouse my family has a history in cardiac-disease, and i have bad knees (yes it helps both and in addition helps my bowels too), a few special herbs… and lots of rest (no more drinking, smoking; whatever…), if i can do it the flex way, working on my site is actualy healing; it is nice, relaxed, and good therapy…and i am feeling better again! have to watch out, you know, those anti-psychotic-pils are a risk, of course…

i see my scanner has completed it’s mission to keep my browsing safe…(gehgeh) have to look in to that now… so, i’ll be seeing you…

 

lots of love…

peter

soooo tired

i wus advertising a lot; not that it did help, or do much good, and working hard to get my pages going; i did do a friends page aswell ( and a few others too) and now i am soooooo freaking tired- i only want the simple things; hanging round, posting something, taking a picture, writing a poem… but what i am doing now is hard work! have to keep myself informed; checking this and that; asking people for atention, for a view, socialising, networking, bookkeeping, taking wins & losses, at the same time getting myself to create something again; music, paint, photo; etc… friends asking; what are you doing? (bit anoying) working hard on myself; trying to get more work done and getting more stable at the same time; this realy fucks me up; i have had enough now…

i will keep to my plan; hey i am doing the best i can! after all i am only human too… and i have a lot of off-days! if nescessary i will break myself free….  i will claim my life again; this is my life; my goals, what i want to do, and what i can do; i am no superman… it is supposed to work for me, not against me!

ah well, a few successes; somewhere around 1900 folowers; that’s nice; close to 100 visitors dayly on reepke.com and my other sites and blogs doing well enough… not even close to this one, but i never intented them to be…

now for a few weeks of rest and working out; i want to amuse myself wiht my posts; this has got to be; otherwise the effort is realy too much…

thinking; when did i start this crazy train? i wus getting better, years and years ago; and i wanted more and more; and i won a lot, lost a couple; must have been almost 30 years ago; far i have come! but now i am hitting a brick wall; not much to winn anymore; at least not on short term… as i have said before; now i will have to accept what i can’t change…

still i might be the happiest person on earth (or i should say might become; i am still working on it; though happyness isn’t a goal by itself, to me…) i have known hard times; and i got through, i even won eventualy…

this is how messed up i am; i posted this as a page; gheghegheghe; ah well, i fixed it; now as for tags; lets see….

 

peter

update: best advertising i ever had was advertising myself, with postcards on flyerpaper, presenting myself and my art, while engaging in (mostly) interesting conversations….

sports & stuff

i had hoped to be able to take less medicine by now, but i tried as hard as i could, and i can’t, there’s too much stressing in my life, bummer!!! i am working out something for renting a place of my own; still advertising, still clearing up the mess, still working hard to be ready… this takes up all the energy i have… still i am trying to lose weight, build up muscles, and stamina; as it is i am not very strong, very easily out of breath…

so i am pumping iron again, riding my bike, taking walks etc… finaly i am beginning to feel better about myself; from time to time i find myself smiling, for no reason…

also i am working on my sites, reading books (clearing up the mess) figuring out what is absolutely nescesarry an what has to go… i realy want to keep the good study material up, i have a lot of books on social behavior, that i realy want to study, because social behavior isn’t my strongest point….(at all 🙂 )

things seem to be working out, for now, lets hope it stays that way…

i am develloping a lot of things on my creative side, wich you will hear/see, in the nearby future, but for now, housing takes up my every breath…

that’s all for now,

c ya soon