sorry i been so long…

i been fucked up for awhile, in fact, still am; it has been hard; nowadays i realy stopped drinking too; sober for five weeks now; body is picking up again; though it’s a shame, i had to; two beers in a week was still too much for my body to handle, so i thought; ahhh fuck it; and; what the hell; so i stopped, and i haven’t realy regretted it; what’s wrong with an occasional beer, you say, well, nothing realy, and i do miss it, but my body couldn’t handle anymore…couldn’t ignore the loudening protest from my stomach, my spleen, and my liver (lets not forget; my kidneys too!!)

mourning the death of a friend… wondering why I lived… (and getting stronger too) (maybe i wus just in time, to take things in hand…) this is a kick in the butt…

ah, well

trying to shoot a picture of my cat, not a all content with the last pictures i shot… i am getting more demanding… want to do something with light; and now retouching some pictures is an option too- i guess i am growing…

cat is lying here beside me, on the desk; he’s a fine specimen; so fluffy; and soooo lovable; he’s got the sweetest character…hey Bobbeltje (like the name Bob; but also “lump”) (ghegheghe) can you read this? … oh, he’s gone now…

for some time, i realy felt my hart hurting and thumping pain with every beat, but i finaly got a grip on myself again; set stress on a side-track for awhile, simple excorcise, lots of spirulina (sea-weed-pils (or powder) verry good for lot’s of things; i take them mostly, becouse my family has a history in cardiac-disease, and i have bad knees (yes it helps both and in addition helps my bowels too), a few special herbs… and lots of rest (no more drinking, smoking; whatever…), if i can do it the flex way, working on my site is actualy healing; it is nice, relaxed, and good therapy…and i am feeling better again! have to watch out, you know, those anti-psychotic-pils are a risk, of course…

i see my scanner has completed it’s mission to keep my browsing safe…(gehgeh) have to look in to that now… so, i’ll be seeing you…

 

lots of love…

peter

damn

a good friend of mine is dying; cancer; bleaarrgh! a bit sad… met a nice girl yesterday, i didn’t ask her number ( why bother? ) but it was good fun; probably won’t meet again (there when she was most needed)

maybe tonight i will go out and meet some friends; take my mind of things… won’t stay long… a bit fucked up, right now… won’t drink either; thea or none-alcoholic, something like that; i feel like i have seen too much…

yet another friend has been ill for a long time now; terrible disease; cancer also; i try to maintain my balance, but it’s hard…

i must say, though i am not taking this lighthearted, i am not realy depressed or something like that, i am getting better; picking up the pieces where i left… i am letting go… life has changed me… maybe i am finaly growing up…

listening to coil (horse rotorvator) & craddle of filth (cruelty and the beast) can be good therapy sometimes, save years on the couch; oh and by the way; Lana? you’re the bestest…

 

ahh well

c’ya…

-just now i hear a more distant friend has passed away… must be a big party upthere 🙁